Craig and Mark’s Adoption Journey

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Posted on March 8, 2023

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A year on from welcoming their daughter into their family, Adoption@Heart adopters, Mark and Craig, tell us a little bit about their adoption journey:

What prompted you to get in touch with Adoption@Heart?

We knew we always wanted to adopt, it was always going to be our journey and the reason we chose Adoption@Heart was through recommendations really. We knew other people who had adopted and had a really positive experience through A@H.

How did you feel when you made that first contact?

We both felt nervous, apprehensive but put at ease from the offset - Our social worker was our social worker from our initial point of contact to the end of the process. This helped massively because she was able to know what was going on and got to know us loads better.

What made you decide that adoption was the right thing for you?

Without pointing out the obvious, but we are both men But in all honesty we had looked at other options such as surrogacy or fostering but especially with the surrogacy we felt that there were too many risks and ‘what ifs’ to take that route.

How did you find the assessment and approval process?

Cards on the table and in all honesty – it’s very intense and full on, it does take time and hard work, but we were really lucky with who our social worker was. With the support of our family and friends and the teams at Adoption@Heart, because it isn’t without its hiccups and delays, we got through the processes and genuinely would consider doing it again.

How did you feel before and after approval panel?

The emotions that you feel before panel are extremely hard to articulate, we were apprehensive, excited, nervous, elated and you experience these feelings all the way through the panel process. We were lucky to receive a unanimous yes from panel which added another emotion to the blend – relief, but most of all - happy. Honestly, until you go through the process there is no amount of prep, words of wisdom that can prepare you for the feelings you go through to get to this stage. But we can hand on our heart say that it’s all worth it.

How long were you waiting for a match?

We were approved for a boy or girl between the ages of 0-5. We were approved in the April, we had a potential match in the summer but that didn’t come into fruition. We were then told that we had been linked to our daughter in the October.

Can you talk us through the moment that the match was made?

When we got 'That' phone call - we thought it was just going to be a catch-up call with our social worker, but she told us there was a match and would send us a revised CPR (child permanence report) that had no name or pictures included. We thought it was important that these bits were taken off so we could get to know the child’s personality rather than by a picture. We decided to read the CPR separately and then discuss what we thought together. We both found that there were SO many things in her CPR that stood out to us, and we both knew that we were the right match for each other. Even before seeing a photograph!

What was it like when your child came home?

Again, there was real mixed emotions on this day. Throughout transitions we saw the amazing bond that our daughter had with her foster carers, but we also built a bond with them. That feeling that you’re meant to feel of happiness and joy was slightly shadowed by the feeling of guilt mixed in. That soon fades when you all start your new journey. We had to have our plan changed because our little one was unwell in the middle but again the transitions were extended and really helped with what we needed as a family unit and made it A LOT easier. We had tonnes of support from Adoption@Heart because looking back, there were times where we struggled but, in all honesty, we wouldn’t change a thing now. All those feelings are natural and valid.

Do you receive support from A@H? Is it useful?

We receive a lot of support from Adoption@Heart - We have recently submitted a contact letter as per our keeping in touch agreement to Adoption@Heart who will check it over and make sure its 100% suitable to be sent to the respective people. We still continue to get invited to adoption support groups arranged by Adoption@Heart, we’re signing up for a few of their training courses this year and we keep in contact with our social worker.

What advice would you give yourself if you could go back to that first call you made?

We wished we had asked a few more questions at the beginning of the process. We didn’t really know what to expect from the initial call and we were so nervous l don’t think either of us really took anything in.

What would you say to anyone considering adoption?

Just make sure you’re both on the same page if you are a couple. Just really sit down with each other, explain what it is you want etc from adoption and make sure you’re both on that same level. It will save any awkward conversations in the future. If you’re not sure if adoption is your journey, still make that call and get that advice and guidance that you might just need. After all, everyone’s journey is different and nothing ventured, nothing gained. There is so much support out there in the adoption community - use it

If you would like more information about adoption join us at an information event. Future event dates are available here which include details on how to book your place via Eventbrite.

Or get in touch with us by calling 01902 55 3818 or email info@adoptionatheart.org.uk

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